Holding Back (Before)

"Holding Back" (Before)

If you are anything like me good bye is a very hard thing. I don't especially like them. Good bye for me is especially emotional and I avoid doing it at all cost. For this reason, I didn't really open myself completely to the children when I got there. I wasn't aloof but I made sure to keep my emotions in check and I repeated in my head, "You know you Brooke. Don't get too attached, it'll only end up in good-bye." I told myself this lie because I do get attached and I didn't want to go through the pain of having to leave. The uncertainty of whether I would be back or if they would be taken care of was killing me. But soon without knowing it I completely opened up. God allowed me to make bonds with the children I will remember for the rest of my life. And even though it was very difficult to say good-bye, or what little time we had to say it, I realized it really wasn't good-bye at all. It was good bye to me but not God's love or His presence in their lives. I had to realize that there is another team coming to love them and show them His kindness as well. I realized that God is taking care of them. Psalms 36:7 talks about His loving-kindness and the children of men hiding under his wing. I realize that God keeps each and everyone of those children and children like them hidden safe underneath His wing. They are very much protected. My tears were that I was leaving them but God wouldn't.

So I encourage anyone who feels they should hold back because good-bye is so painful. Don't. God has a plan for you and for them. You might leave but He never will. The same thing they see in you they will constantly see in the next vessel God decides to use, because He loves them. We are all vessels for God's use. In Mark 14, it tells of a woman breaking expensive perfume and anointing Jesus' head. I kind of see that with us and the children. The expensive perfume that we have locked inside of us is Christ and we are called to "anoint" people with His kindness and pour upon them the sweet fragrance of His love. And if His Will cause for the reuse of the same vessel, you'll be back. Even if it doesn't, know that they will keep a piece of you every time they meet someone new because the "you" they keep is the love of Christ.

Brooke Brooks

"Jerry and Edward giving a special good-bye!" and "All the children waving good-bye to us before they head to school"